everyone's writing all these posts about their gap years, so here i am, 5 months before the conclusion of my gap (one) year (9 months), attempting to summarise these past months in a wall of words. but we all know that words can never fully encapsulate the full worth of our experiences. nevertheless, i will try.
i first came across the idea of a gap year when i chanced upon an article in the news. i think that was back in J1. not that i remember much about it; clearly, it did not strike me as a viable option at that point in time. why would i choose to waste one year of my life while my peers were busy getting ahead of me? i am a rafflesian after all, that competitive streak never really leaves us no matter how hard we try to beat it down and away. but that is besides the point.
then a senior (who was pretty close) took a gap year. i never really spoke to her about it, but she seemed to be leading a pretty fulfilling life, finding her dreams and working towards them. seemed pretty cool. the idea started to grow on me.
fast forward to the second half of J2. everyone around me started fussing about uni apps, scholarship apps, booking appointments with kevinsim... and i realised that i had absolutely no idea what i wanted to do with my life. or rather, i had a vague idea, but i wasn't sure if i'd regret making that choice. and i've already made so many choices in my school life that have left me with a little more regret than i'd like to have been left with, and i didn't want to make that same mistake again. i decided that i needed to put my applications on hold. then i remembered that i had an additional option: i could take a gap year.
at that point in time, these were my considerations:
1) while i could just choose a course and start school, i didn't want to change my mind midway and have to waste money redoing another course. so i wanted to be as sure as i could possibly be without having ever studied the subject that this is what i want to spend my college life studying, that i would gladly put in 100% and more for. to figure this out, i needed time to think, and between all the mugging for prelims and when that was done, the single-minded preparation for As, i had no time to just sit down and consider my options. gap year was starting to sound like a great idea.
2) i wanted time to learn and do things i never had the time/ opportunity to. and this period of time seemed like the best to me. i'm young, and putting off college would probably hurt less than putting off job hunting after college. i rationalised that if i waited till after college, i'd probably be more interested in searching for a job then. and as is common knowledge, once you step into the working world, it's time to bid your life farewell. after retirement, you'd just be too old. so the time is now!! now or never.
i also wanted the time to read. while studying for As, i'd occasionally experience sheer frustration and not being able to fully comprehend what was in the notes. by that i mean, we were given sufficient material to get our distinctions. but it was torture for me to know that there was so much more knowledge out there that i wanted to pursue and to cram in the limited recesses of my mind but i had no time to do so! the gap year would give me all the time i needed to fix that. (although, this past year i have also learnt that the more you know, the more you are aware of how much you don't know. but that's a story for another day.)
before i start on point #3, here's what i've done/ am doing/ will do:
- got my driving license~
- japanese language classes, because i took it for almost 4 years in rgs and very stupidly never took a single JLPT
- malay language classes (starting end may)
- karate (my current purpose in life)
- worked as a cake decoration sculptor at myfatlady, discovered that i wasn't all that bad at art as my rgs art teacher would have me believe
- worked as a waitress at canelé pattiserie chocolaterie, one of the best times of my life. everyone needs to wait tables at least once in their lives. it teaches you things that school and office jobs just can't.
- worked as a data entry temp at the building&construction authority. dark days, those.
between making friends from all walks of life (my kaki gerek from canele, random people from the dojo), and all over the world (random people from the dojo) i think i've learnt a lot. different people with different ideas of what it means to live, to be alive, and how to go about doing that... i realised just how small and enclosed my world and my social circle had been. people, you really need to go out there and learn to speak the lingo of the average singaporean. i know that most of the people who might read this are probably from the same, "elite" circle. you know nothing. if you presume that your scholastic knowledge and academic superiority provides you with the legitimacy to lead the people, you are mistaken. one might even go so far as to call you delusional. talk to people, listen to them. you don't have to agree with them, but understand and empathise. it will go a long way.
oops. i digress.
3) there was a chance that my parents might oppose my decision to take a gap year. i am fortunate that my parents could afford to raise a useless bum for an additional year. you will need to recognise that when you take a gap year, you are nothing but a leech living off your parents' hard earned money, nothing but an extra mouth to feed and clothe that isn't really doing anything society would deem useful. the miserable amount of money you earn at any part time job doesn't really help with anything. so if you're considering taking a year off, please also consider your parents' financial situation. but anyway, i asked my parents. my dad thought it was a good idea, and i managed to convince my mum. it was surprisingly easy to make them see where i was coming from. they were especially convinced that i needed to suffer a little.
my train of thought went off on too many tangents. i'll try to end this soon.
the only thing that's a little sad for me, is that i didn't get to travel. if there's one thing i haven't managed to level up on all this time, it's that i am still terribly dependent. travelling would have broadened my horizons, forced me to rely on myself more... unfortunately, my social contract with my parents stands thus. if you're allowed to, please travel. learn about people, learn about the world. it's as good as everyone makes it out to be, i'd imagine. pity i can only imagine.
i spent a year thinking, talking to people, and reading. i decided that international relations was the right choice, and applied at the end of 2011. i'll be headed to lse in september.
i may have had moments of ambivalence, where i doubted the utility of having taken a gap year. where i felt absolutely useless, like a deadweight loss to society (grins). then i'd start finding ways to occupy my time, and there's really a never ending list of things to do. in the end, it's all worthwhile.
if anyone has any reason to even give taking a gap year consideration, i'd suggest listening a little closer to both heart and reason. if you listen close enough, giving equal attention to them both, the answer they can give you is probably the right one. don't let your fears get in the way.
the final thing i'm going to mention was totally unplanned for. it will probably be unique to my gap year, haha. around march 2012, i noticed an unnatural swelling around my abdomen. got it checked, and discovered a 20cm cyst in my right ovary. 20cm!!! that's like having a melon in your ovaries. benign, thank goodness. had an operation, "open bilateral ovarian cystectomy", they called it. unearthed 4 other dermoid cysts, much smaller ones. anyway, this little incident made me think this whole gap year thing was fated. imagine if i had gone overseas and not bothered to get it checked? if the cyst had ruptured or gotten tangled with my fallopian tubes, i would have been in serious trouble. it would've disrupted my studied and all. lucky, lucky me.
okay so you didn't need to know that. so humour me.
that was some solid reflections. maybe i'll revisit this another day and edit out my incoherence. but for now, it's 3am and i think i can finally sleep after getting this out of my system. goodnight, world.