unlimited;

If you search for tenderness
it isn't hard to find.
You can have the love you need to live.
But if you look for truthfulness
You might just as well be blind.
It always seems to be so hard to give.

Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you.

I can always find someone
to say they sympathize.
If I wear my heart out on my sleeve.
But I don't want some pretty face
to tell me pretty lies.
All I want is someone to believe.

Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you.

I can find a lover.
I can find a friend.
I can have security until the bitter end.
Anyone can comfort me
with promises again.
I know, I know.

When I'm deep inside of me
don't be too concerned.
I won't as for nothin' while I'm gone.
But when I want sincerity
tell me where else can I turn.
Because you're the one I depend upon.

Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you.

----------------
Today, walking out to the main road, I felt overwhelmed by loneliness.

But this is the path that I have chosen. And I will deal with and face up to the consequences. So please, we would be much better off if you'd just stop trying to change me and force me to deceive myself just so that I can be more "normal". If being normal means I have to be dishonest, then well, I'm better off being lonely and honest.

Also, I cut my fringe today. I needed to stop hiding behind it. If I don't have that covering my face, maybe I won't cry on buses and trains anymore. Maybe.

But I'm okay.
I'm alright.

I decided two nights back, upon some consideration, that I will bring up my future children, both male and female, to know that holding back one's tears is not a sign of strength. It is a sign of cowardice, of not wanting to accept and face that one has been hurt, frightened, angered, or is simply overjoyed. To cry, then wipe away the tears and promise yourself that you'll do better next time. That's what's important.

And so I will set the example. I will laugh when I'm happy, cry when I'm sad, scream when I'm frustrated, punch things when I'm angry. I will love with every fibre of my being. And I will not be afraid of getting hurt. I will live my life to the extremes, emotionally.

We shall see if my sanity remains intact at the end of it all.