okay that's three posts very quickly one after another but my brain is in overdrive right now.
i don't want the A levels to come because i don't want them to end because once the As end it'll mean that everything that's been pushed back - all the "let's leave this till post As - will come back to haunt me and i'll have to deal with so much shit. there are so many things i'd rather leave untouched and not know than have to face up to them because there needs to be some sort of resolution to all these issues that we know will become regrets if we leave them unattended to.
but there's always the chance things don't go the way we want them to and it's going to be very sad.
i don't want to think about this. why can't my thoughts leave me alone.