Disclaimer: if you're in a good mood, skip the post. It's for your own good.
It's times like these I hate being alive.
I'm dead tired and still a little sick, but I can't get to sleep because my back is killing me. I screwed it again by accident upon getting home. As I was bending down to remove my footwear, something in my lower back just totally slipped out of place (I felt it!!) and there was this sharp pain and I collapsed to the ground and was unable to move. Tried to reach forward to continue removing my footwear but it hurt so bad I sat there for what felt like the longest time, before deciding to just suck it up and get into the house. Literally crawled in. FML I'm like some insect.
The pain's not going away. I can't move; every little twist of the body is enough to make me cry out in pain.
I hate this body of mine. Whoever called me troublesome was right. I'm just a goddamn useless thing who's nothing but a whole load of trouble.
I don't want any of your derision and whatever nonsense about me being over dramatic. I will type as I please and you are free to judge, just keep your goddamn judgements to yourself. Also, don't tell me not to angst. If it were so easy, I wouldn't be. What else? I don't want to hear empty words that are meant to be consoling. There's more. Words and actions which don't match screw me up. Don't pretend to care if you don't, because it'll hurt if I actually buy it. Then again, I don't buy any of it. Do I? Okay fine, I do, but I shouldn't. Nothing's really quite real anymore these days, and it's funny how a painful back, 3 days of flu and an empty stomach can call forth this immense aura of doom and pessimism that hasn't seen the light of day since BC.
I'll go eat.