The process of learning to become a more controlled and understanding human being sure is tough. Every day is a constant fight to keep smiling and keep accepting and keep trying to understand why people behave in certain ways; is it an inherent thing, or is it in reaction to something people around them have said or done? Many a time I realize people do say or do things in reaction to something that I may have said or done first, and when I find their words or actions hurtful, chances are, I'd hurt them first and that's just their defense mechanism acting up.
So the first step would be EQ! Realizing that what hurts me hurts others too, then becoming more sensitive to others and paying more attention to what I say and do. I really hope that I stick to this, because I've never actually bothered much? (apparently). Change is never easy, so they say, but for me this will be a superficial change so that I handle social situations better. Fundamentally, no, I know I'm not a considerate person by nature, and nothing will change that. You see, I believe that human nature is a constant. I also believe that beneath all the things that make us seem different, all human beings are actually the same. We think the same way, feel the same way, are inclined towards the same things - it's just that the manifestation differs from person to person, and some are more bound by societal expectations to conform to a certain model of behaviour is all. I could be wrong; I probably am. But who's to know if I am?
Talking to people has its ways of showing me things. Interacting with people forces me to alter my behaviour, my thoughts, my actions, my words... All according to what they'd like to see/ hear. You'd be disappointed to learn that I've caved in to conformism. So am I. But I am running out of excess energy to deal with disappointment, disstisfaction and disapproval. All these are painful to deal with and I'm currently running very low in the emotional department. Is this the point where idealism gets shattered and reality just smacks you in the face? Yeah, probably. Maybe that's why so few idealists survive in that state till adulthood; they all get disillusioned and discouraged at one point or another. This is why people applaud the courage of those who dare to be different. It's not only about being thick-skinned, it's about having the mental strength to believe in yourself even when the world ceases to do so.
But if you're one against a million, how then would you be able to justify to yourself that you are not wrong in that which you are different? If everyone thinks that you shouldn't be a certain something, but you think that you should be that certain something, who's to say who's right and who's wrong? Common logic would dictate that the majority is right. It's like if everyone doesn't like somebody, chances are the problem lies with that person rather than with the everyone else. Then why do people celebrate the deviant nature of some, masked beneath the excuse of creativity?
There exists no absolute answer for any of the above. Common logic wins at times. At others, not so. There are examples aplenty that I shall not bother to list.
I can't win in an argument against myself.
I also need to stop thinking, especially when I'm so tired I could just fall asleep right here right now.
Finally, I can't believe I blogged something that that. Unusually intellectual and strangely convoluted. Maybe not strangely, I've never been a particularly clear-headed analyst of issues. Perhaps I should just go to bed now.