Corrinne May's songs are my healing songs. It's going take very long, because I think I'm almost completely broken now. I saw it coming, but I still couldn't prevent it.
Crying doesn't solve anything, I need to start standing up for myself. I can't even remember when I stopped fighting for myself. But if I do, then I could stand to lose everything I've worked and sacrificed so much for. Then again, if I lose everything just because I stood up for myself, then maybe all of it wasn't worthwhile in the first place. It's just that the fear is something that I may not be able to handle well.
I think I've given as much as I can. When I give, I don't need anything back because that's what Mr Jeremy taught us - that giving is a present in itself. I miss Mr Jeremy. I could only ever wish to be half as amazing as he is. Because I don't want to care about people who couldn't care less about me. Because there are people who do, and I'd love to just focus my efforts on them.
I'm really tired. Not physically or mentally, because I just took a nap, but emotionally drained. This is such a pathetic and self-pitying post, but I shall indulge myself one last time by saying that I tried so hard to break down the walls that separated me from people for so long, but I'm starting to think it was safer when they were up